Thursday, 26 February 2009

The terrible TWO – temper tantrum

HELP!!!

I really need help in this.

What affects Emmet’s tantrums:
1. Not having his way
2. Not having his way
3. Not having his way

He screams.
He throws himself on the floor.
He tries to hit me if I come near.
But he’ll get up and call “Mammo!!!”
But when I try to pick him up he’ll throw himself back on the floor.

Grrrr...

“Emmet, you misbehaved and I am going to have to put you at the naughty corner for you to calm down for two minutes okay…”

Translation… “Emmet! Naughty corner! Senyap dulu baru Mommy datang!”

And after he stopped screaming I count until two minutes before I go and give him a lecture of what he did wrong and how he should behave in that kind of situation. But I’m not sure he understands me because he was looking at the tele and when I asked him to look at me and point my two fingers to me eyes, he would just immitate me and point his two fingers to his eyes and that was pretty funny.

But I lecture him anyway. Then hugs and kisses and he’ll just forget about my lecture.

This didn’t work every time. Yes he is afraid of the naughty corner. Most of the time I threatened him with the naughty corner he will quickly cooperate.

His main problem is when he wants something that Mika is holding or playing with. He is just so dengki like that with Mika. Can’t see Mika having a good time. But I know I’m on the right track because Emmet is indeed learning.

1. At first he just rampas toys from Mika, thinking all toys are his.

2. Then after the introduction of naughty corner, he will still rampas but after threatened he will give it back to Mika.

3. Then he learned that he can actually give other toys in exchange for the toys that Mika is playing. But he will still just rampas. (I am teaching him that it is not nice to rampas but he is still not getting it. Sabar…he will eventually learn)

4. Now he will find other toys to give to Mika first before asking/taking toys from Mika’s hands. Sometimes if Mika wants the toy that Emmet is offering, he will give the toy he is holding to Emmet. Not bad kan…

However, there are times when he is just on top of his lungs and there’s a pergnant lady in the house that I assume is surely pening one with the screaming and he is just getting too heavy for me to pick up with all his flying arms and legs.

Maybe next time I should try putting him in the bedroom.

Tips

I find out some tips that I think I might try out. There are a lot of articles that are quite confusing. When to use time outs and when not to use it. Spank or no spank. Use that tone or use no tone. I just find methods that I’d like to believe in.

Respect your child’s independence in choosing what they want to play with and what they want to eat as long as it isn’t endagering himself and others. Support your child in his favourite things to do, favourite toys, favourite game, favourite snacks, favourite place. Don’t take these things away from them. How would you feel if your favourite things are taken away from you, right?

It takes time for a toddler to learn about empathy. So don’t frustrate yourself or scold him when your child is poking other kids. Kindly guide your child away from the situation and always explain that it is unacceptable to behave that way. Distract him immediately with other activities.

The following are from here.

Tantrums are normal for two year olds. It is normal for tantrums to bug parents too, but you can minimize that. Here are some things that might help.

First, respect the situation. That means that it helps if you understand that tantrums are normal. Two year olds are not very good at organizing their feelings and expressing themselves well. They get overwhelmed. Tantrums are most likely when children are out of their usual routine (skipped nap, visitors, etc) hungry or tired.

Tantrums are usually self limiting....as long as adults don't interfere. Tantrums are prolonged when, in the perception of the child, they are effective in getting either special service, attention or power. It helps if parents realize that tantrums are just one way of expressing feelings, and to allow their children to have their feelings without feeling the need to punish or rescue.

A respectful way of treating a child with a tantrum is to gently let them know that you love them, and when they are done with the noise you'll be glad to give them a hug and some love....and then move a few paces away. (A hug at the end of a tantrum is not a reward, it is a way to re- establish a connection and belonging that they couldn't find in the first place) Do this wherever you are. (Yes, kids can pick some pretty embarrassing places to have tantrums. I remember a couple doozies...one in the milk section of the grocery store, and another in front of Nordstroms at the mall during Christmas shopping. Other parents have been there too...they know you are not a meanie parent...and they have empathy. Besides, most of them have never seen you before and never will again.)

Second: Respect yourself. In the environment of a tantrum this is pretty challenging. Do what you need to do to remain calm, undisturbed and really understand that the tantrum is not about you. It is your daughter's stuff (though she will do everything she can to make you feel bad about it). When she starts to calm down it works well to ask if she is ready for the hug yet or if she wants to cry a little more first. Stay firm and stay kind at the same time. The message of love will come through loud and strong.

Noise:

Respect the situation (look for understanding and respect those involved):

All kids make noise. Some more than others. Kids are very creative with their behaviors and can find behaviors that push your buttons....and then keep using them. It isn't that they want to bother or hurt you, it is that they have a continual need to belong and when they can keep you busy with them they feel that connection.

Respect yourself. If you don't like the loud noise (screaming), kindly and firmly let Jordyn know that and then have the tongue in your shoe match the tongue in your mouth. "I am going to go to another room until the volume in here is back to an inside noise level" (and then leave the room). Occasionally when my kids were younger I would need to take a time out in the bathroom just to restore myself. I kept comic books in the bathroom and locked the door.

Sometimes the child would sit outside and cry for awhile (which made it take longer for me to feel better). When I felt better (in 5 minutes or so) I would open the door and invite them in for a hug saying "Whew! I feel better now that I took a little time out, would you like a hug?" I have quite a few memories of sitting on the bathroom floor with a soggy, warm child in my lap as we got back on track together. Walking away from screaming is hard and is not an instant cure. It does work over time.


And what to do if your child hits other children? I like this approach.

Stay with your child in such situations, and get between them and any other children if there's any sign of them hitting. Model the kind of behaviour with other children that you want your child to pick up on.

Be really verbal "little girl down the slide and then it'll be your turn. There she goes 1, 2, 3 weee and now it's your go!". "That boy is playing with that ball. Shall we find a ball for you?"

Make sure you always have a soft toy or a book or something in your bag - acts as collatoral in potential toy conflicts. I know some groups of mamas whose children regularly go home with each other's soft toys, because that was the thing each child was happy holding as they parted. Charity shop toys are good for this sort of thing - I'd always be prepared to just give a 60p toy away to some other person's child rather than having a fight start.

Just in case you weren't anyway... you need to be right there with your child, helping them to learn about interacting with the world in a way that will make people love them. It's not a question of telling off, it's just that they've learned to walk and they've learned to talk a bit, and now they are in the process of learning to interact with strange children - they need your loving guidance in getting that right.

Every action must be done with LOVE.

4 comments:

farrahar said...

Nice entry. Will come back again to read this entry for sure.

I have yet to implement time out and naughty corner. So far I can still tolerate with Adam's behaviour.

But I have started spanking him with a pembaris panjang everytime he refuses to do things I tell him to do, and that's usually mandi, or to behave at the dining table. It works all the time. Now he knows when I give him that tone and hold a pembaris in my hand, he'd better be listening to what I say.

Asyie said...

Lott aku tade buat naughty corner or the sort.I think i need to start something as a way to show that i disapprove Aisy's behaviour/attitude.Hmm.
Anyway what I always do when she screams is walk away from her until she senyap or someone pujuk die then I go back to her and hug her.It seems to work a bit.When she screams now, it won't take that long anymore as she knows this upsets me.
Tapi aku tak boleh nak do anything consistent sbb i'm with her only during the weekends and most of the time she's with her Opah which makes it quite impossible to implement such thing as naughty corner.
Huwa!
Anyway nice tips lott!

landkeeper said...

far: kalau kat sini tu dah kire child abuse and anak ko boleh report kat polis or social service tau. hehe... but i like your style. maybe i should find a pembaris too. hope adam wont turn too naughty when he reaches 2.

aci: yea easier said than done kan. however consistency is the key to disciplining. kalo tak mmg confuse la anak n lagi jadi cranky. aisy pompuan baik sket kot. heee...

Hirda Ibrahim said...

mcm hardy le lott, drama king sgt.
sapa2 pun jgn le try amik toys dia. hardy is not type yg rampas. tapi he will terus lembekkan/hempas badan atas lantai & huwaaaaa sambil golek2...
dh brapa kali kepala dia terhantuk dinding, lantai, meja time dia hempaas bdn tu. mcm2 k.ida dh buat. stillll gak mcm tu.

spank sometimes je ok. sometimes i just leave him & masuk bilik tutup pintu. nanti dia diam sendiri & masuk cr k.ida. then, br k.ida explain baik2 x elok buat mcm tu bla-bla-bla. tpi mcm biasa, masuk telinga kiri-kuar telinga kanan. hmmmm....